Understanding what it means to be here, now

Today's sermon had both a great message and great timing. The topic was the story of Ester, how God calls us, and how we answer that call. I think this is one of my favorite Bible stories so far (I'm only at 1 Kings so I still have a long way to read!) because Ester's passion for her people and her willingness to do all that she could to save them is not only valorous but inspiring, as her efforts are greatly rewarded. In the message the visiting pastor discussed how God talks to us subtly in our daily lives, and how sometimes we are in the places we are for a reason, even if it's not clear to us at the time.

This message really struck a personal chord with me, as the time I've spent taking care of fish and doing lab work has also been spent pondering my future and how the things I'm doing now will impact that future. Since the desire of an academic life has been gone for quite some time, I occasionally wonder what the purpose of grad school is and if it's going to take me somewhere I need and want to be...

But when I think about it deeper, I realized how much I've learned these two years and the possibilities for deeper knowledge of myself and my mission to come. I know that I have a passion for protecting environmental health and conserving our amazing planet, perhaps even as deep as Ester's passion for her people. While some days I feel so far away from my end goal of being an environmental exponent, I know that my passions will help me achieve my goals through whatever opportunities present themselves here in school. Already I'm working on branching out into campus through freelance work, may be working in Japan this summer, and am developing a plan to share any important findings from my field work from those who can use the data in the best ways possible.

So maybe I'm not going to fulfill the "perfect" plan towards a life in academia like other grad students (Ph.D -> post-doc -> faculty position) and maybe I don't need a Ph.D to do what I want to with my life, but this is where I am now and I intend on making the best of it. And it may turn out that I'm just where I need to be, I just haven't found out why yet.